Ellie and Aria

Sometimes Aria looks just like Ellie did when she was 7 months old and sometimes she looks really different..here is a pic of ari now and one of ellie at about the same age..

the almighty calendar

So, I go in waves. Sometimes, I like to fill my calendar with things: appointments, dinners with friends, dates with Dion, playdates with the girls. Other times I like to "keep it open" so that I can do things spontaneously: coffee with Kath after aerobics class, lunch with Dion in his office, (I can't think of many of these, i think because they are spontaneous and I have never written them down, like I do with the others that go IN my calendar :) but anyway, I MUCH prefer the spontaneous lifestyle, but the fact is that most people don't operate that way, so that leaves me with no one to be spontaneous with...I don't think I have the wrong friends, I think everyone is just scheduled...we have to be to a certain degree, I suppose....but I just wish that the dread of the impending events on my calendar would not be so....Its not like I DON'T look forward to things, because I do, but sometimes I feel like something is contrived once the event is in progress - there are manners that come with a scheduled event. And, there should be. I don't think we can get past that - Its just harder for me to be myself and feel comfortable when the boundaries of appropriate social behavior rule me....I am just looking for some authenticity, in myself, mostly....and sometimes it happens, alot if times it does, but the occasional spousal argument before a scheduled social event or disappointment in the initial 5 minutes of a scheduled interaction gets me frustrated and feeling the need to pose....

motherhood

My life is so different than it used to be. I used to be so much better at eyeliner. That was the first thing I noticed. I'm still pretty selfish. I just spend more time acting unselfish.