See I think I'm a guy who was built for family (unless jocelyn disagrees). I love being able to spend time with my girls and I feel most alive when I am. So does this mean something?
Maybe I watched one too many episodes of the Waltons growing up but I wonder if there isn't some gross inequity in the balance of my life. I think i'm pretty good at spending time at home interacting with my family-maybe more than most (not bragging, my circumstances are good) but part of me really doesn't think it's enough.
I spend my "professional" life trying to help people, trying to help them come closer to our Great and Loving God. "Success" is a hard thing to measure, but then i look at these two lives God has entrusted me with and I know that HERE i have the greatest chance of impacting the world for good... thru ellie and aria.. so what's the other 80% of my life spent on??I guess the bottom line is that i'm afraid that I spend a lot of my time being busy with semi-noble tasks that in the end won't amount to much. All the while giving less to the one place that offers maximum impact and minimal regret.
My grandparents' generation (keep in mind, garretts have kids young) had to work hard to surivive-so they say. My parents' generation didn't have to worry about survival, but they believed that their jobs defined their whole existence. I feel like i'm caught between the two, not really sure if either one is true. Not really sure if I'm going along with the crowd on something so important without really thinking about it.
Maybe there's another way to live life that undermines all the assumptions that are bred into us.
Or maybe I'm just a lazy bum who's looking for an excuse to stay home and play so i don't have to go to work...
what do you think, am I on to something? Or do i just need to grow up?
2 comments:
so i'm hearing that i might not be crazy... which is possibly scarier than being crazy. Because unless I find a benefactor (as brad suggests) that means I, and anyone who is with me in heart on this, am swimming upstream.
I do want to clarify something here though, what i'm not advocating is worshiping my kids. I see that too often today, i think the culture has turned to be more family oriented, but often in the kind of way where kids become the center of the universe. Just having watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory last night, i'm reaffirmed that THAT isn't good for your kids either (unless you don't mind them turning into a giant blueberry one day)
One thing that i'm struck by, thinking about this the last couple of days, is that if i really want ellie and arie to influence the world for God, i need to SHOW them how to do that. That's probably NOT done in watching me sit behind a desk for hours cranking out high-quality Christian sermons and Bible Study materials (though i'm not knocking those things completely, they have their place). I think instead they need to see me living the Great Commission and see the power of God bring his estranged lovers back to him-thru me.
I can't shake this feeling either, the feeling that i'm really missing it-a vital part of my calling- because I'm not personally involved in loving people who are not in the household of faith. Problem is, i think everyone around me is in that household, so WHERE do i find these people? You know what i mean? I understand, they're everywhere, but where is my locus for reaching them (i'm not a fan of street preaching) where is my relational venue? others have coworkers or parents on their kids' sportsteams. I'm not sure where to start. And I think starting is essential if I'm not just going to turn inward on my family and worship them like some golden calf. Instead, if i'm going to invest more in them, it has got to be the right stuff... thoughts?
i obviously think you are right on....
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