always learning

so the walmart post (below) apparently struck a nerve in all of us. For the record, bob and I have talked it over just between the two of us to try to further understand each other's point of view and to apologize where offense was given. That was an important lesson, some discussions are better handled in private rather than in a semi-public forum like this.

but the other major learning i had is how strongly personal and moral convictions can lurk behind a simple opinion on something that is otherwise trite.

My original post on walmart was intended to be funny. I guess i do have a concern about a walmart monopoly, their scale as a company is massive, their influence tremendous... any company with that kind of power frightens me. But mostly i was going for humor... the chaos, the crazy walmart shoppers in search for bargains, the long lines... i know we've all been there and was trying to capitalize on that shared experience for some lighthearted humor. so where did it go wrong?

This got frighteningly serious because of all the aforementioned underlying convictions that i didn't take into account. On my part, they are concerns about capitalism as an immoral economic system, consumer accountability for what they support with their $, american materialism which is stronger than ever and destroying so many families who are under huge debt-loads yet still trying to get more, the funneling of money out of local communities to the wealthy people "at the top" and even the disdain for the way that so many organizations manipulate our allegiance to Christ by trying to make us believe that if we spend, or vote, or even watch their stuff that we are then being "good Christians" (when in fact their motives are selfish, using our faith for their personal gain)

my good friend bob, he's got strong feelings about "class-warfare" that happens so frequently in america. For the way the lower-classes are dehumanized and looked down upon. He (along with one of our anonymous post-ers) has concerns about the "forgotten" of society, the developmentally disabled, the elderly. Noble convictions.

the rest of you who posted or at least thought about doing so also have your convictions that run deeply and come bubbling up in issues like this. AND I DIDN'T TAKE THESE THINGS INTO ACCOUNT WHEN I WROTE THIS ENTRY. Nor did i understand them for what they were when they were articulated. I assumed my convictions were most important and obvious.

Responsible communication doesn't rely on words alone but must take into account what is being said indirectly, what is being heard also. So often we refuse to take responsibility for the underlying messages we convey. How many times in arguing with a sibling, parent, or spouse have we said, "that's not what i said!" when in fact, that's true, you didn't say it, but it was exactly what you meant. Or how many times have we refused to take accountability for what was heard by someone else because it wasn't what we intended to say.

I guess i've learned (and re-learned) a lot here and wanted to share it.
1. work to understand and respect the convictions that undergird someone's communication--including your own.
2. take responsibility for what you say and how it's heard. if you're not being heard in the way you intended try a different way to communicate. Don't restate the same thing in the same way and expect a different result-that's just insanity (and could be a friendship breaker)!
3. be humble. try to be understood and to understand MORE than trying to be right.
4. know when to shut up. agreeing to disagree is a skill we all need to learn. I know i do. I should've shut up much sooner in all of this and left it where it was but i've got this deep need to win people over to my side. that's a dangerous tendency sometimes.
5. (as mentioned above) learn what belongs in public and what belongs in private. Draw the line where needed and pursue a different avenue for the sake of unity.

I admit fault for the way i handled this debate after the original post and for oversimplifying something as complex as human emotion and personal convictions. But God is good and allowed this to be a learning experience for me. Hopefully it was for you too.

sorry for offense i've given. Thanks for reading :)